I had forgotten what it was like when I was a teenager and the dreams that I had and wanted to accomplish. Become an ambassador, travel the world, be my own boss – the feeling of being able to conquer the world wild and free and nothing and I mean nothing that stands in your way.
Then I grew up and I had all these things I had to do and I focused on doing. In the mean time – I kept reading about following your dream – and I pooh poohed it saying it is not my time yet – all that is for other people – I have duties to fulfill. There were signs but I chose to ignore them. But the signs are even more loud and apparent now – so either I have to do something or risk it never being heard again.
So what is all the excitement about – a really cool site that reminded me of the days when I had so many plans. Check out the Art Of Non Conformity – a travel blog of sorts but mainly talks about following your dream and being able to change the world. It may or may not agree with some people but for me it was like coming home. Deja`vu… Interestingly enough – the women this family can totally identify with this site cause we are taking steps to change the world in our own way – one step at a time.
Interesting how things work isn’t it – When you want something with all your heart – all the universe conspires to achieve it – The Alchemist
Image by linh.ngan
I know should not be surprised but it amazes me every time. I asked the question if I was alone – wondering if the predicament was mine alone – wondering how all those successful people manage and the universe gave me an answer – in more than one way.
I stopped at the library to return books and ended up borrowing more than I intended to. I was looking for the latest books that I need to read, could not find any and ended up picking up ‘The Alchemist’ by Paul Coelho. It was on my list for a while but I never seemed to have the time or the inclination. I opened it up and was hooked (signs of a good story teller).
And it was not even in the main story – it was in the introduction by the author, that I was given the absolute best answer as if I had asked the question to him ( well – I did ask the question).
So here goes…..
There are 4 main obstacles that prevent us from confront our dreams:
1. We are told from childhood that whatever we want to do is impossible. And we believe it.
2. Love – we are so afraid of hurting the ones we love that we abandon out dream.
3. Fear of defeat – (this was where I am stuck) – we know that if we do not win – we cannot say ‘well, I did not want it anyway’ because we really do want it and we are working so hard for it.
4. Fear of realizing the dream – the guilt that we are filled with when we think we will achieve the dream, the self doubts, do we deserve it – it is the final frontier.
Once we have overcome the above 4 obstacles -w e finally understand why we are here.
It sounds like an amazing journey, an adventure and I am excited. If you have not read this book already, you should, definitely a keeper – I know I am looking to keep it on my bookshelf to remind me every time the self doubts start to rear its ugly head.
Image by Dan Zen
Heck no! I thought I was the only one who freezes up and did not do stuff cause I was scared of the outcome. So when my kids ask me ‘What if I don’t succeed?’ I sit with them, talk to them, reason with them, explain to them about just doing what you need to do and then I realize – Dang! I need a clone of myself to tell me that – who will keep me motivated and push me to do stuff that I have been meaning to do.
So obviously when I read Darren Rowse of Problogger fame saying that he too had this fear that was holding him back -I did not feel so bad. (check out www.problogger.net). Darren created the forum to keep him motivated. So what is my game plan?
I have been accused many a time of just planning – hey, it is easy to plan. Actually the further away it is – the more planning is required. So I started to wonder out loud what is my issue? I have a million things to do – but I need to get going. You would think that dreams of name and fame would help – but nope – that does not work, so what is holding me back – it is complacency (besides procrastination, of course). There is no desperation, no burning need, no have to do it or die kind of feeling – at least today there isn’t.
I read about all the guys who are making 6 figures doing what they want, and they all worked hard. There is no short cut for hard work – you just have to do it. But the question is how badly do you want it? And the follow up question is it really worth all that effort? But see – there in lies the difference.
You can always justify to yourself why you don’t need to do something or why you need to do something. But how do you explain to your child that you cannot do something or go somewhere cause you don’t have a job or the money? Keeping face can be a great motivator, no?
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Am I thin? Am I fat? Am I big? Am I small? Do I look ugly? Is my nose too big? Am I too tall? Am I too short? I am sure you have heard of at least one of the above questions at least once if not more. Or you may have said them yourself. I know I have. There is nothing wrong with those questions, its just when it messes with you your whole entire life that is becomes a problem.
Look around you – whether it is the television, fashion magazines, or pageants – there seems to be this quest for the perfect body that is acceptable by the rest of the world. Companies sure do well selling anything and everything helping to get that perfect body. Nothing wrong with that either.
Confidence from within does not just affect girls, it affects boys as well. When choice of career, the friends you hang out with and the food you eat all has to do with how you see yourself – you wonder how can one small thing affect your whole life. But that is just the point – it is not small – it is HUGE – and that is an understatement.
So how does on combat that? What can you do to make sure that you have confidence to make the tough choices in life? Some have that inner drive that help them stay on the straight and narrow but what about the others? It is important that you have a supportive family. It is important that you are surrounded by friends that support you not put you down. It is important to focus on the big things in life that make a difference like character and integrity that define you and not the outwardly things like looks and status that could be here today and gone tomorrow.
Most important is that you need to love who you are as a person. You are unique and there is nobody like you and I would not change on thing about you because I love you just the way you are.
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I think that is every parent’s nightmare. When your child comes up to you and asks you a question that you were hoping the school or his textbooks would have already taught him. There was a time that life was simple the rules were in place and fear was the primary trigger that kept kids out of trouble. But nowadays life is fast and complicated, the rules are lax and its the degree of trouble that kids get into that people talk about.
Not only that -the age at which children get exposed to ‘grown up’ issues are now getting younger and younger. Taking that into consideration, I would rather be prepared than in denial. Now having being brought up in a society where talks about sexuality is taboo, makes it harder, however living in a country where there seems is availability of information – makes it easier. What is ironic is that the land that gave you the kama sutra has no idea how to raise sexually healthy kids. It is not something that is discussed at all.
So what is a parent to do? Talk to your kids, make them aware of what is appropriate and what your values are. They should be able to come to you and talk to you about any topic without having to worry about you getting mad at them because you were not prepared for it. It is better they hear it from you than some kid in their class who overheard his older brother’s or sisters one sided conversation on the phone. Tell them the facts. Tell them what could happen health wise and the risks. Tell them what could happen to their future, their dreams and be open.
Most important – trust your children to make the right decision. Teach them to respect other people and their decisions. There is nothing wrong in saying ‘NO’. It takes more courage to say no than to say yes. No?
