Image by Andrew Currie

Picture this – you are old enough to drive a car, and to shop on your own but you don’t know how to go home -  because you don’t have a GPS.  You did wrote down the directionsbut you can’t read your own handwriting.  You had to go somewhere else but you don’t know how to get there and you don’t have any written directions for that one either.  And here I thought that the moment you turn 18 you have everything figured out.  In the eyes of most people you are an adult, right?  Wrong!!!  Let me tell ya – it does not matter how old you are – learning how to do things comes from observation and practise.  You have 10 year olds who are more organized than 35 year olds who are gainfully employed and have kids, a car and a house.

So what is the key ot no stress? Organization, of course.  And Iwas the queen of organized chaos – had piles of everything everywhere – but I knew where everything was.  But that definitely did not help when other people needed to find it.  So what made me change my mind? When I realized that I was dispensable and your reputation depended on how quickly other people can understand what you were trying to accomplish.  Signs of a genius is in being able to explain the most complex of concepts in an extremely easy way so that anyone can understand it. You don’t have to be a genius to be organized but that’s for another post.

The secret is not just in being organized and being able to find your stuff,but also being able to use that stuff to solve problems in the quickest possible time forany situation that may come up or anticipate how another person would react and cater for it accordingly. So how does one learn to do that? Pay attention. Look around you. See how other people get things done (there is actually a workshop on Get Things Done).  And you might get it wrong a couple times and then you learn.

But then there are some who never get it.  And you wonder why people have so much stress in their lives.

Image by batega

No matter how cliched it sounds do you know there is a section called Letting Go during parent orientation? Needless to say there is a requirement for it.  I was surprised to see how many parents had a hard time with that.  Now there is a difference between letting go and being upset about your child moving away. The latter happens whether you like it or not, the former is something most people struggle with.

This is a precursor to becoming an adult.  Technically they are adults when they are 18 but there is no rule that says that they are going to behave like one.  That depends on what they are used to and the kinds of experiences they have had and scenarios that they are exposed to, but I digress.  Learning to make wise choices whether it be about friends, money or classes is something they will have to learn to do.

So have I let go? Yes I think so.  I am in no hurry to do any of the 5 million things they have to do to make sure their classes and extra curricular are in order.  I have taught them to do laundry and cook – at least the food they like – so they will not starve, they know they have to say please and thank you, be courteous to elders and help those in need.  they know I will not be waking them up in the morning cause they have their own alarm clock and don’t spend if you cannot afford it – half of America’s problems are because of people living beyond their means.

But am I upset that my eldest is going off to college?  Yes, I know so.  Its definitely going to be different. The house will be quieter, there will be less times that I will be waiting up, the room will remain clean and I won’t have to wait for a while before I get hot water and the kitchen will be clean.  But I am going to miss the loud music, discussions on the different experiences and lives of how other people think, arguments over silly things, the joint cooking sessions, critical fashion advice and all the other multitude of happenings in the universe that I am not exposed to.

But I have a feeling that things are going to be interesting from now on.  It is painful to watch while they struggle on issues and you cannot help them, but it is refreshing to see how they take what they have learned and grow and become these adults with fascinating personalities and a mission to make a mark in the world.

Can’t wait to see how it all turns out.

Image by Hape_Gera

Below are a list of things to think about.  It is simple yet the hardest thing to do if you have not learnt to let go.  Try it and see how it affects your life.

10. When you say you are alone – yes you alone are responsible for your happiness. Nobody else is.  But your guardian angels are always around you. If you need help all you have to do is ask them – they are always ready to help.

9. Having said that – happiness is a state of mind – you can decide whether to be happy or sad.

8. People will say stuff – because they only know their point of view.  They are not going thru what you are – in some ways they are glad it is you and not them.

7. Never ever regret any decision you make.  The very fact that you had the courage to make it means that there was a reason.  So now all you have to do it make it all worthwhile.

6. Love is the most simplest and most powerful of all emotions – it truly does heal.

7. Anything other emotion other than love and compassion corrodes your insides.  So release all those negative emotions and see the difference.

6.  Have complete and absolute faith in the higher power.  He never ever abandons you.  If you are going through all this – there is a lesson to be learnt in it.  If you have not learnt the lesson, then it will keep coming back until you learn the lesson.

5.  All children want is for you to love them – after all you will always be their Dad or Mom, always and forever, no matter what anyone has to say.  Nobody can change that.

4. Forgive yourself – we are the hardest on ourselves.  Love yourself – It soothes the soul and allows you to grow.

3. Love unconditionally.  When you dont expect something in return the rewards are multifold.

2.  Meditate, write, talk to yourself, help others in need, pray – whatever it takes to get the pain out. Leaving it inside will eat up your insides and cause ulcers or a heart attack.

1. You are what you think.  Energy follows thought.  Thoughts are very powerful – so be careful what you think.  So just think of how you want it – and it will happen.

Image by Vato Bob

Kissable Impressionable Demanding Souls – my version of what kids are.

We have them, we lose sleep over them, change our life style for them, put up with all their idiocies and have a hard time when they don’t succeed, and yet catch them when they fall – ready to give kiss and hug them assuring them that everything will be okay.

As a mom I wonder to myself – have I done the right thing, have I taught them to figure out what to do?  As my eldest is getting ready to go off to college – I know what is going on in her head – or do I?  Am I not being a helicopter parent enough?  Do I need to do everything for them or let them struggle and figure it out – after all the best way to learn is to do it your self – right?

I look around and see so many parents doing so much – and I wonder to myself – did I do enough?  But there is only so much that one can do – as long as lessons are learnt and you have had fun in the process – it is okay.  At least in my world it is.

It is said only when you become a parent do you understand the trials and tribulations of a mom – believe me – I don’t think it ends there – I am still asking my mom stuff and learning.  Kids are strong, resilient, very perceptive, learn by watching you and so you have to be careful what you do.  You have to make the tough decisions and stick to it because when it is their turn they will see how you did it and that was perfectly okay.

Does this journey get easier ass they grow older – no, not really.  As my mother says – the problems grow with the kids.  you just take it in stride.

Image by Wonderlane

Is that a good thing or a bad thing?  In an attempt to keep alive the past – we continue to do them in the present.  But has one noticed that those traditions were based on the life and times of a different era?  Is it possible to keep the good things from the past and change the ones that did not work?  Can you pick and choose what to keep and what not to keep?

But as was pointed out to me – decisions about what should and should not be done is based on society and people.  And often those that are exploited are the ones that are weaker ones.  People are afraid of being shunned or made fun of or being ostracized by society and they will keep silent when things are unpleasant.

Some rituals like shaving the head of a young widow, or not being able to take part in certain ceremonies because you married outside the community or being excommunicated because you got divorced seem like ways of forcing people to follow the rules.  Don’t get divorced otherwise no one will talk to you, even Prince Charles had to deal with that, don’t get married outside the community otherwise you will not be able to enter places of worship or take part in certain rituals and that is bad for the ancestors.  So many ways in which it almost seems like blackmail.

Not that I am against traditions – there is a lot of logic into why certain things are in a certain way – but when you hear that we do it because that is always how it is done and we refuse to change it – then you start to wonder.  I lived in fear of rules – there are so many – I wonder how many other people ever survived with all those rules.  But when there is  a reasoning behind it – love, respect, honor – it makes sense. No?