Why does it come down to divorce?


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I am having a really hard time dealing with it – divorce, that is.  No, it is not mine. I never really thought I had an opinion either way and even when things were rough I refused to think of that eventuality. I am not for it but I am not against it either.  But I do realize that there is a time when you have to make that decision and I applaud those who have the courage to come to that decision.

So am I a coward because I refuse to think of that option? Or maybe just a diehard romantic who believes in happily ever after.  Or maybe I am one of those overly sensitive wimps who cannot handle being responsible for hurting so many people or maybe someone who finds it hard to transition from one phase to another.  There was a time when I thought of that route but then I think most people think like that at least at some point in their married life.

There are times when it just does not work out – the earlier you find out the better.  A friend told me there is a 2 year trial period after marriage – as you work out the kinks. Then when kids are involved it gets complicated. Of course there are other reasons like abuse and infidelity.  The more time and energy you invest in a marriage the harder it is to walk away, then again – just because you invested all that time does it mean that you have to stay?  Is it harder for the woman to walk away cause she has kids or easier for the man to walk away cause he can?  Are you a stronger parent cause you still survive when you are emotionally hurting or a better parent because you know what you want and go after it even if it is the hardest thing you will ever do in your life?

I saw a comedian once who explained why men are who they are because they can compartmentalize everything they do including their feelings, where as women spill emotions into everything.  The moment you understand how your partner operates – things start to fall into place.  Just like you can make noise only when you clap with two hands, things can work only if both parties are willing to try.  That is where irreconcilable differences come into play.  Your outlook changes, your expectations change, you grow up and you realize you want different things in life.

There are so many questions, there is no right or wrong answer – just making the right decision – such is life – I just wish it was easier to deal with.  So if it does not kill you, it must make you stronger – right?

Billion Dollar Day


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Today seems to be the day of billions and millions. First you hear of Conan being paid 40 million to shut up and not bad mouth the NBC brass, then you hear of Citigroup posting a 7.6 billion dollar loss and then the 186 year old British candy company Cadbury’s being bought by Kraft for 19.6 billion.  Is it just me or there seems to be a lot of money determining the fate of people and companies.  Just goes to prove my statement that money does make the world go round.

I seem to be more tuned to the money aspect of things ever since I had to figure out this whole college tuition deal.  Maybe it is just my attitude towards it that is making this so hard to swallow.  I am sure there are millions of families in the same boat.  Maybe it I just because I never had to deal with this kind of planning when I went to college.  Now granted I went to college in India, the days when everything was subsidized – you just had to study hard – but nowadays even that has changed.  There was a period when the only time you had to take a loan was to buy a house or get married or send yor child to engineering or medicine.  But now even that is no longer true.

Everyone takes a loan – seems to be the way of life.  Now imagine someone paying you 40 million to stop whining.  I guess NBC goofed up pretty bad eh?  Would you be happy with that much money at the cost of your dream?  That’s a tough call. But then with money making the world go round – you can do a lot of stuff with that kind of money – no?

As far as Cadbury’s being bought by Kraft – can’t complain – have been exposed to both companies –grew up on Cadbury’s  and now living with Kraft – but I guess it must be hard for the British to swallow – after all it is a piece of history.  And then Citigroup posting a 7.6 billion dollar loss – apparently Pandit (Citigroup CEO) was all smiles.  Hey I would be happy too if I paid back the 20 billion dollar loan to the government – wouldn’t you?

Counting all those billions must be hard. All in a days work I guess.

What makes the world go around


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Is it love or money?  Right now if you ask me I would say it is money.  Maybe it is the cynic in me or maybe it is just the time – but it sure seems like money wins hands down.

Things are changing as we speak.  The economy is not at its best, people are still losing jobs and budgets are still being cut while universities are still increasing the tuition rate.  Kids are still dreaming and parents are still paying off loans – so will someone please explain to me how does this all work?

Does it make sense for me to go to a local or state college than be adamant about going to a $40,000 year school?  Does it really matter where I did my undergrad from as long as I get a good grade and don’t have a $200,000 loan to pay off? Should I not go to a school where they are giving me a full ride versus going for the namesake or keeping up with the Joneses?

If all the above makes sense – why are the colleges increasing the fees?  We have already determined that this country has no clue how to live debt free – just look at economic crisis that we are in.  If adults themselves cannot manage the money – why are we not teaching that in schools?  How do you expect a 17 or 18 year old to figure out interest rates and loans if their parents themselves can’t figure out how to stay out of debt?

If you raise a stink about going to an expensive college – you better have the money to pay for it or better yet, let the  college who wants you there pay for it.  But why is it so important to go to that expensive college – when you know that when you come out of college, you will probably be working for someone who went to the local college and did just fine.

So do I put all my dreams on hold and be a cynic? Learning to make choices and accepting it is all part of growing up.  This generation that is so used to instant gratification needs to see beyond just this moment and more into the future. So what do I do?  I just postpone my dreams till I can pay for it – after all love does make the world go around but if I had money – it would sure be a smooth ride.  You think?

Letting go


Image by littledan77
Easy to say but really hard to do.  Even harder is when you are a parent and you see your teenager taking off in that car all by themselves.  You prepare your whole life for this moment – yet when that moment arrives you are never ready.  Can time fly so fast that you are already watching the result of your parenting?  It seems as if it is too soon.  Like an exam – you have been preparing for and when the time comes – you want to go through the material one more time.

On the other hand, that teenager is looking for any possible moment to assert their independence.  As parents you want to prepare them for all the possible things that go wrong – but can you really?  How long can you keep holding their hand?  And I know as I say this – I am strong for my older one but the moment it is time for my younger one to leave I am going to be a basket case and worry about everything in and around.

My sister asked me why didn’t anyone tell her that being a parent is hard, her husband asked her why can’t she be strong, my teenager asked me if my parenting skills with her was all an experiment, my husband asked me why am I in such a hurry to let her go and my preteen can’t wait to drive a car.

Everyone is right – yes it is hard being a parent because all of a sudden everything you do affects someone else who is totally dependent on you and you are responsible for them. Of course we as moms are strong, we just don’t know it, otherwise we would have given up before we started (we went through labor didn’t we?). Besides dads don’t know what to do when they see their kids sick or cry.  My teenager is right – all my parenting skills was an experiment with her, I had lots of advice but most of the time I had to figure it out on my own and when I had my second one, I had to do it all over again cause no two kids are the same.  I don’t think I am in a hurry to let her go but  would rather she makes mistakes when she is close to home and I can help her figure it out rather than when she is far away.  As far as waiting to drive a car – you will just have to wait.

She drove off in my car and while I am waiting for her to get back, I am praying to  all the gods – I never said that just because I can let go I wont worry.

Parents and Facebook – stalking or voyuerism?


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Now I am not sure how many you have Facebook or how many like Facebook – but you have to admit that it has changed the face being in touch and one of the major players in the social networking scene.

Something that was created by a student at Harvard university, went on to be used by universities and high schools is now being used by over 350 million users worldwide and the time it takes for news to travel around the world – practically seconds.

The idea for this post came about when someone asked in jest ‘are you a Facebook stalker?  My question to you is – if you gave me permission to see everything that you post along with 300 of your friends – then no, I am not stalking you.  If you did not want me to know what you were doing, then you would not have added me as your friend in the first place.

Then there is that whole argument about should parents be allowed to be their kids ‘friends’.  Considering that you have to be at least 13 years to have an account – if you are under the age of 18 and living in my house and I am your parent – then I better be your ‘friend’ on Facebook – no questions asked.  If as a teenager you are thinking – if my parents cannot see it – then they won’t know – sweety let me tell you – that the rest of the world already knows.  Please remember that once you put it out there for the world to see,  the world can see it. And if you think when you delete it, it is really deleted – no its not.

Now, as a parent whether you check your kids wall or you comment on it – is up to you.  I would sure like to know what is going on – but I don’t need to comment.  It is important for me to know what is going on in my child’s life – besides how else will I keep up with all the acronyms and the latest of every thing. No harm in being informed now – is there?

What are your thoughts?